An IDGAD Day for Everyone!!

Tonight was the first night that I thought about something I’d like to do with my next girlfriend.  (We’re not going to talk about that! I’ve been watching the lesbian series and have been taking lots of mental notes.  There will be lots of belly kisses as well as off-camera moaning, gasping, and aching.  I can do all of that.)  I was surprised to find that I was thinking of an imaginary partner and considering that it was the time of day when I would say, “How was your day?”  Seeing that I had no one to ask, I did the most frugal thing and asked myself.

     
         “I had an I don’t give a damn day.”

That made me smile and I opened a Corona. 

It would be good if everyone had a day of the week to say, “I don’t give a damn.”  It could be that simple.  She could some home and whatever needed to be done, she could just say, “IDGAD,” and then we would go to plan “whatever.”  She + she = 2 whatever evenings.  This is a good thing!

Maybe I could create an IDGAD token and put a hole in it.  The queen for the day could wear it around her neck.   This reminds me of when I was a senior in high school. We took the eighth graders to a camp in a remote valley in west Texas.  

“Let’s go canoeing,” I instructed before anyone could unpack.

The particular site is Laity Lodge—it has everything that a camper could ever ask for.  Looking back, it’s not only amazing that I was given this opportunity but that knucklehead principals and parents would let the likes of us care for their children and skip classes for an entire week.

I head down to the lake with campers following me like ducks to the pond and instruct them to pick one of the many canoes.  Six people in each canoe (eighth grade girls pack well).   Here we go with the unsynchronized momentums of those unpracticed ones who picked up paddles.  My memory fails me about what happened next, but I know that I was responsible for tipping—sinking—the canoe, and then my little eighth graders dropped to the bottom of the dirty lake.  Later that night, at roundup, I was awarded the bonehead award.  It was the thigh of a calf or some mammal, and it had a hole in the middle so that the honoree could wear it for 24 hours.  I think the IDGAD lanyard is going to go a lot better.

I will implement this idea as soon as I get a girl who will sign up for after work routines with me.  But for now, I have to think about the importance of this qualitatively different kind of thought.  This milestone means that I’m using a new part of my mind.  The question is, “If my heart beats in Baton Rouge, will anyone hear it?”  My other option is to dart out looking for the unknown.  I’ll be there and she’ll be where?  I’m staying put.

I know that time is ticking, and I don’t want to waste another decade.  If my first girlfriend* was all about discovery, my second girlfriend was all about stability.  This was a respite that allowed me to prepare for third girlfriend who kept me moving.  Let’s not get into name calling.  Eventually, one of our mutual friends will discover this blog.  Besides, I’m a handful in my own regard.

If I’ve completed discovery, stability, and calamity, what’s next? (Does anyone recognize this pattern?  Does everyone lesbian find these milestones, in no specific order, before she dies?)  I’d like to know if these are the three options and whether each soul simply spirals up or down, stumbling upon one of the three positions throughout life.   If I were to spiral up and immediately spiral down, are there commercial breaks in between—like the Jimmy Dean sausage commercial that plays after every scene in Lip Service—, or will a position that I just exited and am reentering look like an entirely new experience?

Is this discovery, stability, and calamity process the trinity of lesbian dating or can I hope for a fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh stage that will gather from the formers and bring meaning to the latter(s)?  I feel a tug to stay with this thought.  I must “be” or I won’t recognize that I was even there.  I know what to do—, I'll put the IGDAD around my neck, order take-out, and commence with the belly kisses and off-camera moaning.


*Girlfriend is defined by someone who I shared a rental agreement or mortgage with.  Since this happens after the second date, it isn't as strict a requirement as one might think.