This is Me Dating, part III

I’ve hinted about how to look for similarities and differences, but I haven’t actually come out and decoded the questions.  I won’t waste any more cyber space.  Here’s the breakdown of the types:
a. Idealist

b. Guardian

c. Rationalist

d. Artisan

Every "a" answer indicates needs or values of an Idealist and so forth.

I didn’t want to tell you before you took both tests because every reader has preconceived notions of the meaning of these words.  If you identify with one of them, chances are high that it isn't going to lead to your type. After three years of these kinds of discussions, I only just embraced Idealist.  Truth is, I’ve been all of these characters at some point in my life—learning to mimic for rewards—and those behaviors are still available in my muscle memory.  It took me a while to accept Idealist, but it’s so clear now.  If you want to get more in depth (with authentic questions), here’s the link.  You can take the test for free: http://www.keirsey.com/sorter/register.aspx

When Love Heroine took the test, his answers for core needs pointed to Idealist.  For the value questions, his answers split. He chose Rationalist answers for the two questions that show him in a negative situation. And, he chose Guardian answers for the two questions that show him in a positive situation.  (Check yours).  This split was really interesting.  I had to wonder if he learned Rationalist behaviors from his dad when maneuvering through a conflict and Guardian behaviors from his mom when coasting into love.  Wouldn’t it be interesting if each of us moves away from our core needs, and values, when dealing with people?  I think that I do, and I think that I’ll try to be true to my needs.  I might get to solutions or good lovin’ sooner.

Moving to Part II—your best and worst girl(s).  Nostalgia and deep-seated angst can do much harm to a memory.  Maybe after the comparisons, you’ve see your girls in a different light.  Probably the most useful thing to do is to get your current girl to answer Part I.  Compare what you thought of her to what she thinks of her.  Do the answers line up?  If so/if not, look at the kinds of answers that i.d. your needs and her needs and then have a conversation.  With your new insight, it could be nice and it could be sweet, and then you could have some good lovin’, “

After the lovin’—and breakfast and maybe a few more yawns or laps around the track, depending on how you start the day—think about what she can’t do for you.  This is important.  If your girl can’t do a lot of things for you, count them.  If the number is high, trade her in.  Life is short.  Or, think about what you expect her to do and be really honest about whether it’s her job.  Chances are high that if you trade her—a kooky Rationalist—, then the Idealist, Guardian, and Artisan will not do a lot of your things for you either.  

No one can meet your needs like you can—except in that “good lovin’” category.  This (and sanity) is what’s important.  Keep your eye on the fundamentals—No Needing, just Lovin' Wanting.

If you’re not going to trade her in, take a look at what she tends to do and realize that this is what she tends to do.  Then, ask if it’s fair that she stop being herself to meet your needs or ping your values.  Chances are high that 50% of the things you expect from her, you can do for yourself.  Chances are higher that in this 50%, you need to do them for yourself.  Does it benefit her to be doing your stuff?  

I hope this little test was good for your:

      a.  relationship

      b. pursuit of one

      c. deconstruction of the last devastation

      d. all of the above

I know that Keirsey’s stuff caused me to think about many possibilities for finding the right type of partner.   But the more I read, the more I realize that types are types.  I can be an Idealist who is grounded by a Rationalist as easily as I can be a frustrated Idealist who torques a Rationalist with koans. In a relationship, it’s all about the willingness shared between two people. 

Now, it’s easier to see a solution for a relationship that got stuck because of past events and experiences. These may seem to be the cause of bad behaviors and misunderstandings, but the cause comes from inside me or her.  I’ve got a need and she’s got a need. Which action benefits both of us?  Or, Do I need to be in her need; is it better if she’s not in my need?  These are as important as figuring out that I'm right. 

After all of this, the most beneficial part is this one thing,  Everyone (you bump against in the break room, on the sidewalk, and in the bedroom) has a core need.  There.  That’s all you need to know.  The mission to follow someone down the rabbit hole and discover their core need is yours to accept of decline.  In the meantime, fulfill yours—out in public, on the world’s stage, when everyone is looking—because 75% of the world isn’t competing for yours.  And, you deserve to be whole, “).