Slow Dating with the World Between your Belt Buckles

“Women are more trusting.”

“I don’t think that’s true of straight women,” Ginda says. 

Ginda is Dim Sum’s besty.  They’ve worked together for a few decades; they vacation and holiday together.  Also, their husbands are two merry men, so all works out just about perfect for this pairing up of four souls who like to eat, drink, and observe other merry souls. 

They’ve invited single me to share the holiday.  We’ve eaten brunch and one of us—Iron Stomach—has opened the first beer to go with his leftover turkey.  I’m describing the supersonic speed of lesbian dating.  Mr. Sum is in the kitchen remembering the joke about lesbians and U-hauls, “That’s a classic!” he chuckles.

“Why does it go so fast?” Ginda asks.

“I guess it’s a gender thing,” I say.  “Women tend to believe… until they have a reason to not believe.  They’re like a light switch, ‘on’ or ‘off.’”

“No. It can’t be a gender thing,” Dim Sum adds. 

“Maybe it’s a minority thing,” I say and then pause. “Lesbians finding lesbians is like living in this (small predominantly white conservative) town.  If I’m a minority, that makes up 2% of the population, there’s a good chance that I’ll include the same minority in my inner circle much sooner.”

“Right,” Ginda agrees.  “We invited the two Democrats families over.” 

Ginda and Iron Stomach don’t live in this ubber-conservative southern Alabama town where Dim Sum and Mr. Sum live.  They live in SoCal.  You might think there’d be more democrats in their neighborhood, but Ginda and I.S. live in Orange County where that massive congregation congregates.  It successfully launched and pulled Prop8 from under the unsuspecting Californians who were sure it would never pass.  So, Ginda and I.S. aren’t any more comfortable talking politics with neighbors than the Sums.  That’s why we had a public meeting before the third couple arrived for lunch yesterday.

“Ok.  This couple is really nice,” Dim Sum has our divided attention. “You will like them, but we can’t talk politics.”

“Or religion,” two of us add.

“Can we high-five for Obama?” I.S. asks.

“No,” Dim Sum laughs.
“Got it,” Ginda says.

“Ok- just one thing,” I pipe up. “Am I gay?”

“Yes!” Ginda and Judy say with emphasis.

With the rules clearly stated—and observed despite the 99 bottles of wine that were flying from the rack—, we followed the courtesies that were laid before us.

“So, I’ve not dated since Facebook,” I say to Ginda and Dim Sum.

“What’s that matter?”

“Well, you can find out all kinds of stuff about someone, rummaging around their photos and reading their posts.”

The men are watching football. We are at the table with our 3 laptops.  I go to the Home page of a suggested friend of a friend—and potential blind date—and push my laptop over the top of Dim Sum’s laptop, then I turn it for Ginda to take a peek.

“See?  She’s cute,” I say.  With the delay of only one syllable, they echo the same sentiments. “With Facebook, I get to find out all kinds of stuff about her that might not come up until way down the road.”

“So, that will make (lesbian) dating go faster,” Dim Sum states with a lasting question.

“Maybe.  Maybe not.”

On the one hand, on a date, I can ask intelligent questions based on posted interests.  It could speed things up.  This feels like cheating, but I’m really bad about asking strangers for personal info.  For one, I like to feel their energy.  Remember?  More, I was taught that it’s rude to be nosy.  Between these two, I don’t ask follow up questions and it comes off as “I’m not interested.” Facebook could be beneficial, making things easier faster.

I take a look at the other hand—maybe not. Now, I can look around and find out stuff that makes me go ‘hmmmm’ or ‘I need to investigate this before I make any rash decisions like sign a mortgage.’  All of a sudden I see place markers up the dating path that I’ve never seen before.  I’ve not known there could be so many twists and turns until I’m lost on one.

“Social media might be the solution to lesbian slow dating.  We will see, we will see,” I’m grinning and thinking.   

Ok- if you got one, show it.  Share your story about dating with or amidst social media.  Did it help or hinder good lovin’?