I am alone before I meet a lover, and I am alone after it's over. You might assume these states would feel the same, bringing me a respite in equilibrium. But, I happen to know that life feels lighter before love than after. Love forever changes the soul and its psyche, weighing it with experiences that seem impossible to release for the great bonfire.
With love comes desires. They rush forward, seducing my mind so that it might cooperate with my heart and start gathering stuff. I open to possibilities. Enticements pile up. I take a breath to inventory all of my new treasures. I sort, categorize and prioritize. Love must be honored because it offers hope to old cravings. Breathing, Sweating, Dancing-, I deserve these antics and more.
I let love simmer, bringing warmth to my belly. These longings are mine and I am full with power from love's promises. My lonely wanderer, who has been snoring, wakes. She offers a list, pleading, "Satiate me." I couldn't have known how much love would demand. I must experience all of its elixirs.
Like Rip Van Winkle, I need to get my orientation. The world has changed and I have this power, love's force. But, I'm confused and without a reliable compass. This love didn't come with my former life or one of my lovers. Adjustments are necessary.
It's so very difficult to know the unknown. Too much to manage, keeping love happy. She's a bastard sometimes. I reason that it's really not fair to drop all of my needs in my lover's lap; and, she feels foreign; and, she's not doing what love suggested she might. I'm lost in this new space. It's not very pleasant.
My longing drenched-, I turn from charred smolderings that have been spread out, suffocating across the pit where the fire was. I must rescind to my cave and sleep a bit longer. In my dreams, I won't feel the weight of love lost.
