Sunday, March 24, 2013

Single Girls, Post Here

If you're single and you read my ramblings about dating, you may have a list of things you want to say, or scream, to the lesbians around the globe- just in case the lot of them are listening and might want to date you.


When I was with #2,  two women told us a story of "when everything started getting serious."  They made a list of their own bad habits, and then they swapped lists for the lover to read.

"This is it.  If there's anything you can't live with, say so now," they declared.

I seem to remember things like "farts" and "burps" and other unfortunate behaviors that were on their lists.  I wouldn't have wanted to live with a few of those tendencies, but love has a way of overlooking one-dimensional warnings. Still, I thought they were brilliant for being so vulnerable and brave.

I often write a manifesto to my future serious girl (who hopefully is not too serious because I am often too serious and, upon colliding, we could implode or cause a preemptive evolution due solely to our combined pent up energy. (It would be selfish of us to implode but feel really good, probably)).  I list the important stuff when I'm idle and can refresh my short-term memory. However, this is the first version that can be cemented into actual words.

My Martin Luther declaration is socio-scientifically proofed by Myers-Briggs.  I am an INFJ.  It goes a bit like this:

      I is for Introvert- I probably need to be with an extrovert but you guys scare the **** out of me.
      Therefore, I am initially attracted to introverts. Eventually, one of us needs to go out and about and do
      something interesting (or club an extrovert and drag her/him/it back to the cave) if we are to share
      oxygen for eternity.  Let's flip for it.

     N is if iNtuitive- I see (behaviors) and hear (intentions) what no one else gets.  As my partner, you are
    expected to take me seriously when I talk about these things. Seriously.

     F is for Feeling- I will always root for the underdog unless they are scary extroverts or the voices in my
     head help me see and hear warnings that no one else is special enough to process.  If that happens, it's a
    good idea that you take me seriously or give me a reality check. Either/or is good.

     J is for Judgement- I am too often truthful  and have spent many years trying to find nicer ways to not say
    anything.

That's my hard to deal with stuff but here's my good stuff:


      I is for Introvert- I'm probably not going to dominate the conversation...ever.

     N is if iNtuitive- You can (financially and socially) benefit from this (less-than-common) aptitude if you
    don't have one of your own.

     F is for Feeling- If you tell me how my behavior makes you feel, I'll listen (whether I want to or not)
     because I'm wired that way.

     J is for Judgement- I don't beat around the bush which saves a lot of time, and you never have to guess
    where I stand on issues that effect the underdog or out-of-control extroverts.


But each time I go through my explanation of who I am, it changes a bit. This list is different than the one I made on Friday.  Maybe the words don't really matter.  They can represent what Myers-Briggs says I am, but I am always changing what's inside the letters.

I think it would be cool for you to grab a pen and make a list for yourself. It doesn't have to be based on anything formal like Myers-Briggs, just a declaration that rings true to you. Of course, it would be really cool of you to share it with us!


Saturday, March 16, 2013

Who is Who Doesn't Matter...the Gays Win


Visiting with The Sums, it wasn’t long before Rob Portman’s recent announcement entered the conversation.  http://www.hawaiinewsnow.com/story/21654568/gay-marriage-senators-shift-gop-soul-searching

“What do you think?” Dim Sum asked.
“I think it’s like when we fought the civil war,” I said.
“How so?”
“Well—you had two groups who wanted different things, so they combined efforts to get what they wanted and then got something altogether different”.

I explained how the 19th Century Republicans gathered disparate groups to sustain power.  Emancipation might not have been the goal of one ally or of scattered members in many, but that’s what happened before all was said and done.

So, the world learns of a dad-(R) who made an observation about his 3 children and then stood in front of the mirror.  “It’s not right that two of my three get to be free.”

Or maybe the ‘senator’ in him said, “My son is a constituent and I have a responsibility, as a member of the majority and as his senator, to protect members of the minority.”  That would have been very Jeffersonian of him.  But, probably that’s not at all what he said if he thought it at all.

I think he admitted something like, “I want my son to feel love and to be loved.”

So, the father-senator goes to the Republican powers that could permit such a public statement or they come to him—because these guys are really out of touch with their own allies and really, really out of touch with Americans who grew tired during 8 warring years of faux Christian bullying—, and they strike a deal.  Wham! The father-senator of a gay son matches powers with grand ol’ Republicans who want to have a revolutionary CPAC party and then roll out a convincing plan that they can actually be humane (before the next election).

“You see, it’s like the Civil War but different. Two bodies join powers to get what they want.  Who is zooming who doesn’t matter as long as the gays win. Horray!”

Dim Sum said she doesn’t buy it, and then Mr. Sum said that I was explaining “dialectic materialism.” He always says that I say things that I don’t say by tidying it up with a philosophical model.  It’s nice of him to share his intelligence and package my rambling into a digestible capsule.  I looked up dialectic materialism and said that if he was going to call me a communist, I’d much prefer to be a Hegel one than a Marx one.

What Mr. Sum meant was that Hegel put forth that humans who are in disagreement—thesis and antithesis—grow as a result of coming together.  This makes me wonder if/how/when I will benefit from the embrace with anti-thesis allies.

The undone dilemma that hung in the air was, “Where do we go from here?”  With Colorado breaking new ground and the grand ol’ partiers sobering up, will thesis and anti-thesis advocates all wake up one day and say, “Hooray and big whoop. The gays can get married.” And then Americans can fold the paper and crunch their dry toast and get on with their day. 

Our problem has always been that gays aren’t persecuted enough.  (Clearly, I’ve been sheltered but would love to receive rebuttals or full stories of hardships that I’ve not faced).  We’re not like the slaves or even like the blacks who pushed—for God-granted rights and change—during the Civil Rights Movement.  American gays of today can’t point to physical abuses on a grand scale or prejudices that keep us from meeting fundamental needs.  In many situations our careers and jobs are protected by self-selecting corporations who have set an ethical standard for those who might have been resistant for as long as it took Mississippi to ratify the 13th Amendment. And, the majority of us can minimize our gay loveness so that the majority of the anti-thesis advocates are comfortable enough to remain in the room and share oxygen until the bar mitzvah, heterosexual wedding, or graduation is over.  We can stay in the closet if we just try a bit harder.  So, all of these do-gooder deeds (that come from the anti-thesis and thesis camps) absolutely work against my minority’s right for a monumental, earth-shattering civil rights evolution.  We need to get really mad about something and cause a big realization before the grand ol’ partiers comes over the hill, set up the keg, and haze us—even if we have to make something up.

For the most part, we don’t fight because we don’t have one.  We’ve spent a little over half a century hoping to peek over the top of the fence line and look with envy at the neighbor’s grass.  Our desire for civil unions beckons for membership in a clique that roots in nostalgia and lets snake-oil salesmen sell its essence.  50% of all marriages end in a divorce because no one can market the ointment, the panacea for getting along “until death we do part.”  Isn’t anyone suspicious that the grand ol’ partiers are allowing us to join an eroding norm?  This is going to cost me big money, I can feel it.

I need to ask my community, “Do we think that we’d do marriage better because we are super-humans?” I’m not; I don’t.  We want in their stupid clubhouse because they said we can’t be in it. We kick the base of the tree with our necks crooked and cramped up toward the sky, murmuring for something that statistics show is a 50-50 gamble.  

Now, there are some in our community who really want this right and have good reason to pursue documented protections.  They do the heavy lifting while willing-bodied good people like me pull out and dust off the camping fold-out chair so that I have a comfortable seat along the sidelines of the evolutionary parade.  Why? Because I know that equal rights are mine to receive for as long as the United States Constitution—that we’re all citing in court systems across the nation—is the same one that was signed by John Hancock. I’m waiting them out.   I know my rights and truth will be victorious in the end.  Certainly Mr. Sum has a grand name for this philosophical model.

“Lazy.”
“Let’s call it peaceful resistance—like the counter-sitters and bus-boycotters, like Ghandi,” I would offer over his magical giggle.  “All I need now is the opportunity to scrap with my soon-to-be allies.”

Sunday, March 3, 2013

ترحيب, Bienvenu, Selamat Datang, Bari galu'st, Pari yegak, Sadarayen piligannawa, Ahla wa sahlan, Céad míle fáilte, ترحيب , Bine ai venit, Bienvenido, Ahlan wa sahlan and Khush āmdīd!


Some read my aunt’s story in “Love’s Gay Impressions.” After her funeral this month, I shared the link with the fabulous Buddy.  I pointed out the number of visitors who have peeped in from the Middle East.  I said in the message, “This is a sign that Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell is history and people are free to be…!”  

Looking at the ones who have joined from the Middle East, from countries that penalize someone for saying in public “lesbian” or “gay,” and from countries where blogs are blocked, it’s obvious that some Westerners are launching their gay spirit into orbit and letting love decide where it will land.  You, being there and doing what you do, are contributing to the evolution.

Sure, the West has a long way to go.  Recently, an immigrant from India informed the state of Mississippi that it hadn’t ratified the 13th Amendment.  (It’s the one that abolishes slavery).  This week, the President had to publicly state that prohibiting some citizens from some rights is completely unconstitutional.  And, there’s a viral video about a homophobe who ranted amidst passengers that got involved.  They clapped to support the open and loud protests of a confident gay man who braved the hate-spewer within the tight confines of a moving subway cabin.  It’s only a matter of time until humans hold other humans accountable for being humane.  

People all around the world are responding to and demanding their God-given and Spirit-driven freedom. The best part is—altruists are popping up and popping off for goodness sake.

Since the last “Lesbians Linking Lands,” another dozen countries peeped in: United Arab Emirates, Jamaica, Malaysia, Armenia, Sri Lanka, Lebanon, Ireland, Iraq, Romania, Puerto Rico, Egypt, and Pakistan.  To all of the new visitors, I say, ترحيب , Bienvenu, Selamat Datang,  Bari galu'st, Pari yegak, Sadarayen piligannawa, Ahla wa sahlan, Céad míle fáilte,  ترحيب , Bine ai venit, Bienvenido, Ahlan wa sahlan and  Khush āmdīd!

  

Wherever you are, be the “free” you wish to see in the world. You are part of this historical evolution, “)!